1 Year Ago & A New Court Date Ahead!

 We received Tad's referral in August of last year, and to be honest his first photo that came up on his referral document was not a sight of the little boy that I wake up to everyday and I know today. In fact the first photo I saw of Tad almost made my heart sink in fear. He looked sad, empty, alone, and lost. He looked unhealthy and in some ways I was unsure he could find restoration back to a happy healthy laughing child! 1 year ago this week we took the scariest trip of our life. We, Jeremy and I, had neither one been out of the country ever! Canada does not count. LOL.  I guess it does but not really. We stepped onto a plane that took us 17 hours across the world not only to experience a culture far from ours but to meet a 4 year old boy that was to about to become our own.

It's funny how the morning of our court one year ago this week most would think it would be flooded with excitement and giddy thoughts! But for me it was terror! I was so afraid to meet this boy! I was afraid he would reject me! And how really are you to communicate with a child who speaks another language than you? I wore a yellow sweater. It buttoned up the front. Tad and I didn't connect the first day.  I felt sort of defeated but knew God had brought him in our life! He was small, fragile. Jeremy would throw him in the air just to put him down, because he was to frail to be playing with like that. He had on size 18mo pants that hit him in the knees.. but fit his waist. I was terrified that day our first day with him. I didn't know how to be his Mom. There are days even now I feel lost with that! But what I love is a few days ago I was doing laundry and Tad came running in with my yellow sweater. He held it up to me and said, " Mom do you know what this is?" I said, "It is my sweater." He said, " It is the day you came to be my Mom, it was the first day I meet you and Dad!." What in my mind had been a day of a horrible connection and terrible fear, to him he remembers one thing. His mom. And she had a yellow sweater.



This week is a family celebration. We met him him for first time and he legally became our Tadios, our son!

But to add to this amazing week of celebration we get to also celebrate a our new court date! We will be leaving in a month, to walk a familiar path, this time to meet our 6 month old daughter Samiah and appear at court for her on December 23rd!

Pray for our boys, they will be here, and we will possibly miss Tad's first Christmas, but we have to do some creative thinking on how to celebrate it before we go.  But Christmas is a time to celebrate life & family. And what better gift to give, than to give a little girl a family! We celebrate family this week! And restoration. As you can see Tad has become a new creation, God has given him new life with us. And his photos speak it all. We hope the same for Samiah!

When not so heavy things become burdens.

Here at our new home fall has been quite the adventure with leaves! At our old home we had no trees! So here it is like a leaf wonderland. Leaves, leaves and more leaves. It's quite beautiful really. But there are literally tons of them!

This week our church started a new series. One on healing. Healing from relationships, addictions, any kind of hurt or pain that life has thrown our way. As I was raking this morning I realized something significant to me. That hurt and pain sometimes doesn't come to us in one major traumatic instance. Sometimes it does. But sometimes it can be us experiencing something that seems weightless or even something we feel isn't worth dealing with. It floats down into our life and we do nothing. We feel like it has no weight or huge significance. But when  it comes time to cleaning it up or making room for real healing we have this major mess to clean up. Then these things that were once weightless, aren't so light anymore.

I heard Tad yelling with his rake in hand. DADDY!!!!! With groans and grunts. I came to see what the problem was. He said with a disgusted look, "This is HARD!" He was moving around piles of these weightless leaves. Then it hit me.  I reached down and took Jeremy a leaf. I handed it to him. And asked, "Is this heavy?" He replied, "NO. Why?" Looking at me like I had lost my mind this morning!  I smiled, and said, "Yes it is."  And grabbed him by his hand and led him to a little boy who was trying to move thousands of them by himself.

I have realized this is my journey. Nothing majorly traumatic has made my heart feel wounded, and broken in one instance, but the realness is that these weightless things that I let enter in and take up space in me I allow them to build up into piles and soon, I too am crying out for my Daddy to come help remove them, it's too heavy. I can't possibly remove it all on my own. Who knew a leaf was so heavy?

In my life I have allowed things that seem weightless or harmless take up space. Today I have seen their true weight and how healing must take place. They must be removed. And to do this now, it will be hard.  Now the challenge begins today to clean it up.... and to stop the ones floating now before they land on my heart in heavy piles. And if I find do find piles, which I know there are, it's really not to late. Because my Daddy has a rake too. And he will rake with me if I ask.

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Matthew 11:30 MSG

 ^28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

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