I think Awan was about 5 when I came through the living room with a huge pile of laundry and walked over her and her pink guitar. I was busy getting things done and she was sitting on the floor fully into her guitar and playing it as if she could hear sweet sweet music flowing from the broken three strings still remaining. As I was listening to what to me sounded like a twang and a squeal of this poor broken useless little guitar, she sat in full attention to her music and loved what she was creating.
Little did I realize then that this analogy three string guitar would have so much meaning to the direction my life would head in. There are things that come our way that make us feel as if our life (guitar) is broken, it only has three remaining strings and isn't worth playing anymore.
Labor Day weekend will be a defining moment for me and the four kids. It will be the weekend that the strings that we were playing and never dreamed would break, actually broke. Most of you already know what took place. There are little answers or explanations other than one simple one. What I thought had been an amazing marriage abruptly ended in Jeremy leaving with someone else.
Almost instantly I felt as if the Holy Spirit jumped into this mucky pool I was drowning in and reached his hand down and pulled me to the shore. There are time I feel that He continues to do this for me as I move from one emotion to another. The reality is that I am now a single Mom with 4 kids. How can this broken guitar be played now? Most would look at that pink guitar that my daughter had and say it was useless, that is should be disposed of and put in the trash and a brand new one be bought. That would work I suppose but isn't there beauty in creating something beautiful with something consdered broken? For me she showed me that day that beautiful things can come from broken pieces the only difference is if we see them as broken.
Each day is a new learning curve, I grab the three string guitar and pick it up and as I strum there is an awful wain that comes but if I maneuver my mind and listen closely, I begin to hear beautiful music coming from my three string guitar.
Healing will take place to our raw hearts of what has been lost. I throw myself on my bed in compete despair at times, and at others I find inner strength that I never knew I had. Yes, this is painful, the deepest hurt I have ever felt. Someone said, " It's like your arm was amputated without warning, and without anesthetic."
Though this would be the most painful thing I have experienced, God has shown me things I have never seen. He has shown me the beauty of the body of Christ. I have had phone calls with people praying for me across 1,000 of miles. I have had so many hugs, and have been told how much people love me. I am so blessed. I have an amazing family with two sets of parents that have embraced me and the kids beyond what is even imaginable. I have a Church family that sufficates me with love each week so that the pain is subdued and that I have strength for each new week. I have friends that talk for hours on the phone, and sit and get coffee with me, and let me hoover their space because I need physical presence in my life. I have a community, that loves me. I am loved, cherished, and adored by my Heavenly father. I am His. He will never leave. The power of his unfailing love has moved me beyond what I ever believed about who he is. He will always remain.
"I have chosen you and have not reject you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:9-10
This is my song that has been playing on my three string guitar:
"The Hurt & The Healer"
Little did I realize then that this analogy three string guitar would have so much meaning to the direction my life would head in. There are things that come our way that make us feel as if our life (guitar) is broken, it only has three remaining strings and isn't worth playing anymore.
Labor Day weekend will be a defining moment for me and the four kids. It will be the weekend that the strings that we were playing and never dreamed would break, actually broke. Most of you already know what took place. There are little answers or explanations other than one simple one. What I thought had been an amazing marriage abruptly ended in Jeremy leaving with someone else.
Almost instantly I felt as if the Holy Spirit jumped into this mucky pool I was drowning in and reached his hand down and pulled me to the shore. There are time I feel that He continues to do this for me as I move from one emotion to another. The reality is that I am now a single Mom with 4 kids. How can this broken guitar be played now? Most would look at that pink guitar that my daughter had and say it was useless, that is should be disposed of and put in the trash and a brand new one be bought. That would work I suppose but isn't there beauty in creating something beautiful with something consdered broken? For me she showed me that day that beautiful things can come from broken pieces the only difference is if we see them as broken.
Each day is a new learning curve, I grab the three string guitar and pick it up and as I strum there is an awful wain that comes but if I maneuver my mind and listen closely, I begin to hear beautiful music coming from my three string guitar.
Healing will take place to our raw hearts of what has been lost. I throw myself on my bed in compete despair at times, and at others I find inner strength that I never knew I had. Yes, this is painful, the deepest hurt I have ever felt. Someone said, " It's like your arm was amputated without warning, and without anesthetic."
Though this would be the most painful thing I have experienced, God has shown me things I have never seen. He has shown me the beauty of the body of Christ. I have had phone calls with people praying for me across 1,000 of miles. I have had so many hugs, and have been told how much people love me. I am so blessed. I have an amazing family with two sets of parents that have embraced me and the kids beyond what is even imaginable. I have a Church family that sufficates me with love each week so that the pain is subdued and that I have strength for each new week. I have friends that talk for hours on the phone, and sit and get coffee with me, and let me hoover their space because I need physical presence in my life. I have a community, that loves me. I am loved, cherished, and adored by my Heavenly father. I am His. He will never leave. The power of his unfailing love has moved me beyond what I ever believed about who he is. He will always remain.
"I have chosen you and have not reject you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:9-10
This is my song that has been playing on my three string guitar:
"The Hurt & The Healer"
Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains
So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through
So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains
So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through
So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”
I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
