Ashes.....

Often we tend to sit in the ashes of our mess. We choose to sit in the broken and lose sight of what is ahead.  And maybe we miss the newness of what is waiting there for us. I have been pushing myself out of the ashes. In the Bible we see that burnt ashes after a fire was a sign of destruction. In that time when people experienced trouble they would sit in piles of ash and rub ashes on their heads as a sign of mourning or grieving.. I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago and she was mourning and grieving what has taken place in my life... I was taken back slightly...  I will explain. After everything had taken place I remember thinking how will I move forward? To my surprise God was quick with direction for me. The very next morning, tear stained I opened a Bible sitting on my parents night stand at their little lake cottage. I opened to Ecclesiastes 11:6

6Sow your seed in the morning and do not be idle in the evening, for you do not know whether morning or evening sowing will succeed, or whether both of them alike will be good. You wonder what could I have possibly taken from this verse that changed my response to a complete life change?  I felt like God was saying... keep moving forward Amy. Keep doing what you always do. Love your kids, love your family, love doing things for others, love your church, love friends, build relationships, water them and see what grows from it. The first thing I did that morning was put my makeup on... I still laugh about that. I stood looking in the mirror and started putting on my makeup in which I sat and cried it off but it was the act of doing it. It was the act of getting my feet on the floor and claiming that there was life to be lived and that the covers and my bed was not the seeds God was asking me to water!

This Christmas we decided to do something new. We all boarded a flight to Florida to spend Christmas at the beach. Once we were on the plane Samiah decided she was fascinated with the window shade. So up and down..... up and down...... up and down....... I moved the shade as her source of airplane entertainment. That was better than her screaming so I humored her. We started down the runway and with the up and down of the shade...and I said goodbye to the Indiana grey sky and the mix of falling rain and snow hitting the small window. Up and down..... up and down..... and then to my surprise just seconds from taking off when the shade went up, light flooded our seats.  I stood looking back at my friend who was concerned about the events that have unfolded in my life...  I felt my face gleam with my response. I explained to her, I  have found something very surprising in the midst of all this grey. She looked at me and I smiled and said... blue sky.  I am not sure that I claim verses or that I believe God claims specific verses for us. About a year and a half ago, I was drawn to Isaiah 61. I kept feeling like God was saying to me Amy the Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon you, because he has anointed you to preach good news to the poor. He has sent you to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who morn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes , the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair. They will be called then oaks of righteousness a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.  Okay, at that time I was working with intercity kids loving them and wanting to make a difference in my community. I guess that makes sense. Little did I know the significance of what this verse means now.  Yes, I have been a prisoner of darkness, but I am proclaiming freedom for all you captives. You may have walked through something like I have, a husband bailing, father or mother leaving, parents divorcing, cancer, death, loss, sickness.... darkness seeps into our lives and tries to hold us down to a world of grey.... you may be held captive.  Grey may be surrounding you... it's thick like the winter sky and feeling like you are trapped in your ashes is overwhelming I know. I have walked through dark things, but the craziest thing is I have walked in the midst of darkness yet I don't feel grey. I feel like even though grey surrounds me, I am flying above the grey. God's favor is healing my broken heart. He has shown me His love and favor and instead of me sitting in the mess of the ash and the remains of what once was. I am seeing a loving God replace it with so much more. A crown of beauty... a promise of restoration that I can't even imagine right now. He is showing me in glimpses already and it excites me to what He is capable of. He has given me gladness for what is ahead and replaced my mourning with His presence and hope. In the midst of his lavish love for me I can't help but praise Him for his unfailing steadfast love giving me a spirit of praise instead of despair.  The realness of God in my life right now, is opening up an excitement to me with new things, even in the present grey that is surrounding my life. Once I opened myself up to His love and presence I realize something profound.... I am always seconds away from blue sky. There is freedom.  God has shown me I was once held captive. Often we are prisoners in chains we don't even know are there or the oppression we are facing. Even though at first I stared into a pile of ash at the ruins of what was.... I now see a beauty evolving into new freedom. I have been freed from a bondage I can't even explain. I am embracing it. I explain it as if we have always had poor eye sight and that is what we have always known. The world we lived in was fussy and unclear. Then you are handed a pair of glasses. The world changes, it gets clearer. A new reality to what you thought was there. Now you see it. Freedom is seeing life as it really is.. it is blue sky even when the appearance of grey is surrounding you.  I have found that I have been so captivated by the freedom and excitement of  God's presence and his promises of what is to come that the grey turns to something that shocks me..... blue sky.