A
few weeks ago, Awan and I made our last summer morning trip together to grab
Starbucks. The time in the car is what I love more than my coffee... I
love looking over and seeing Awan sit as the co-pilot in the front managing the
worship choices from my iPod.
It
is a time of reflection,
we
laugh,
we
dance,
we
worship,
we
cry,
we
listen,
we
talk,
but
most of all we grow.
The
end of this summer has different meaning for us...
It
ends not just the end of the summer season but it ends a year of
"firsts".
I
am amazed as I think back to a year ago. Life was very different. We would have
just entered the week we would say was one of the darkest of our lives. It was
a road we had no idea we would all have to travel together. It was a year ago
that everything changed. Our lit road became very dark.
I
looked at Awan and smiled at her and took her hand... and said, "What a
year."
I
asked her how she would want to celebrate or remember this past year. I
sometimes am unexpectedly surprised by her responses... they are
childlike, but rich in truth and knowledge well beyond her years.
She
smiled back at me with a huge grin.
We
should have a "Glow in the Dark" party Mom!
Tragedy
comes to us when we experience great loss.
It's
unexpected.
It's
not something we can prepare for or prevent.
It
just happens.
Tragedy
often ushers in darkness, and what we know about darkness.... it makes things
hard to see.
Or so I thought.
God separated light and darkness in the
very beginning. He declared that light was good. He placed the sun the in
position so that his light would always be present in darkness with it's
reflection from the moon.
Our story
of tragedy is dark.
Truth
brings to light the darkness we blindly live in at times.
It is
painful but freeing.
“I
will go before you and make the rough places smooth;
I will shatter the doors of bronze and cut
through their iron bars.
I will give you the treasures of darkness
And hidden wealth of secret places,
So that you may know that it is I,
The LORD, the God of Israel, who calls you
by your name."
Isaiah
45:2-5
He has done this very thing. In the unforeseen places hidden in darkness comes not tragedy... but
treasure.
Walking through betrayal of two very
loved people, loss of relationships, future and past memories.... you
think to yourself in that very moment... life changed. This is dark. There can't be light
let alone treasure. But to my surprise there are hidden gems awaiting our discovery in the darkest of times.
God has revealed his hidden treasure to
me.
The first being His unfailing love.
It was in the song "Always"
that says it best:
Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always
God surprised me with His love through His people.
I remember thinking in a time that I
should feel unloved and abandoned, "Why do I feel more loved than I have
ever been?"
God was using his people to show me his
lavish love for me as his hurting daughter.
I remember sitting outside the coffee
shop last fall one day and a lady who I had never seen before came up to me.
With a smile hugged me and said, "I am suppose to tell you I love
you." She got in her car and left. It was in the faithful God followers
like this lady that was obedient to what God was at work doing. He
wanted me to know he had not abandoned me. I was loved. She obeyed a simple act
that God used to show me his radical love for me. I am grateful to
her for her faithfulness.
His people were there to deliver me to
my parents the day things fell apart. He was there when a friend chose to forgo
her seat with her husband at church to befriend me and make me feel loved every
Sunday from the pew. He was there when over 40 people gave up their weekend to
move me and the kids out of our house. He was there loving me & the kids
through my parents when they opened their house and life to us for two months
to heal and to figure out what was next. He was there in endless notes, phone
calls, texts of people sharing their encouragement, sadness and hope of
God's promises with me. He was there every time I ordered my coffee and
the Starbucks Crew would say Good Morning Amy... Little did they know they were
covering the role my husband once played. Simple maybe. Good Morning Amy. But
for me it meant the world. It was God oozing his love into me. His treasure is
His people. It was him opening up their time and watching
the kids even while they were dealing with hurt themselves. His love was in the Thursday evening dinner meals prepared for me and the kids along with adult conversation provided by his people. Many have ushered
healing and hope to me this past year and I am forever grateful for their love
and allowing God to use them to uncover his treasure for me.
His unfailing love.
God's word has always been something
that has been apart of my life. I remember
sitting on my parents front porch when I was just a freshman in high
school. Tears were falling down my
cheeks and I found myself crying out to God. I was still believing on the foundation
of my parents faith at that time. He used that moment to lay my own foundation
in Him and my desire to choose Him for me. I remember asking God for a promise.
I was just a 15 year old girl broken and agonizing about the future of my Mom’s
life. I was unsure if she would be able to win her battle with breast cancer.
My mom has always been one of the most important people in my life. The thought
of continuing life as a teenager without my Mom broke me.
I was searching for
understanding and answers. I sat on that step looking out across the farm where
I grew up and saw the sky getting darker and drop by drop the rain started
hitting the porch step where I was sitting. I threw my face in my hands and
cried out for God to promise me that my Mom would be okay. I needed Him to
give me strength to continue the hard journey and give me assurance that He had it
covered. I was asking Him but not really
believing He would answer me.
As I took my face out of
my hands and looked up over my parent’s pond... there it was.
A double rainbow stretched
over the entire farm. I laughed as more tears
began to fall from me like the rain hitting the steps. I knew He had given me a
promise.
She would live.
At the beginning of this
summer in our addition they started building a house across the street. And
each day the progress looked slow. I wondered...What do they do all day out there?
The ground doesn’t look much different than it did just a few days ago.
Zadyn loves construction
and anything that has to do with building. He took a spot just at the end of
the driveway so he could just watch and make conversation with the workers. He
knows how to build a house now just by watching them! I made my observation
that not much was taking place.
He responded to me, “Mom,
It takes lots of work to get ready for the house. The ground has to be just
right.”
I realized his observation
had been better than mine. The moving and shifting of the dirt seems a little
pointless, but it is the preparation of the ground that makes for a great
foundation for a house to be built.
My faith and trust in the
God I love has been the same process. The ground and dirt sometimes are shifted
back and forth and the preparation for the foundation is being made.
I have seen lately how God
is pouring the foundation of my love and belief in Him out of his promises.
God is revealing to me
that His promises are a declaration assuring he has it covered. That his
promises are true. They do not fail.
Not
one of all the LORD's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one
was fulfilled. Joshua 21:45
There are times when we
ask God for confirmation of security in his plan for our life. Sometimes I
think our requests may even be out of doubt that progress is happening in the
faith building process.
I think Gideon asked for
his confirmation for God’s future plan out of doubt progress was happening.
A year ago...once again I
sat on the same porch steps that I had asked for confirmation for my Mom again
tears streaming down my face with the new reality that two people I loved
dearly had betrayed my trust and walked out of my life and broken major
promises.
I thanked God for the
promise he had answered 19 years later... that my Mom did win her battle over
cancer. That she was there to embrace me and her grandkids in a time in our
life where we were yet again fighting a huge life battle together. In my
desperation and loss I prayed a similar prayer. Partially out of my doubt my
life could be restored and healing could take place.
I prayed and asked for God
to promise me he would heal my heart and life. That he would restore me and my
kids with life and love again. And then felt silly for such a prayer. I knew a
huge piece of me was praying and crying out in disbelief that the devastation
would ever go away.
Embarrassed by my doubt
& disbelief, I reluctantly told my Mom my prayer for confirmation. She
smiled and reached for her morning devotions. It talked about how it is through
our asking God for promises that he pours the foundation for our belief and
trust in him to build us new.
The next day I was driving
to what was going to be our new house for a new start. I could see our new
housing addition in view. It had been dreary and raining most of the day and I
was listening to worship music and just trying to wrap my head around all the
changes that had flooded me. For about 60 seconds a stream of sunlight broke
free from the clouds near by and almost directly above our new house was a
rainbow. Poor Samiah was sleeping in the back seat and awoke abrasively by my
shouting and cheering as Awan just stared at me like I had lost my mind! She
looked at me and said, “Mom... it’s just a rainbow.” I remember smiling at her and saying...
"No. It is so much more Awan.
It’s a promise."
"A promise from a God that
brings restoration and healing and love to His children."
In Genesis 8:8-17 God says to Noah he will never destroy the earth with
a flood. He was confirming that a
new promise was put in place to establish restoration and new life and goodness for His
people.
I remember getting home
ready to share the news with my mom that God had given me confirmation that my
life and healing would be restored. And at that very moment I started to
question God’s confirmation. Doubting that the rainbow was for me.
I think I
said..."Well... I don’t know if it was for me or not..... but I did see a
rainbow today. "
Awan took over the conversation that day at the dinner
table and started to replay my response in the car to the rainbow. Clapping and
dancing while mock driving and yelling, " OH MY THERE IS A RAINBOW!,
AHHHH!!! There is a RAINBOW!!!" She
did this with frantic hand motions and a reenactment of Samiah's startling wake
up! She looked ridiculous and I am sure it was very close to my reaction. Just
as she was finishing and I was relaying my doubt in the confirmation. A friend
sent a facebook message to me that said...
“Don’t be afraid.... just
believe.”
There are times in my
journey it’s easy to get overwhelmed and uneasy about the changes and
uncertainty about the future. But I trust the God who wants to establish his
Promises with his Children. It is through his promises that we begin to trust
in his truth.
Isaiah 54 talks about the abandoned wife. And includes the promise of
the rainbow and his promise to restore his people. Not just with simple dry
wall but with precious stones of turquoise and gems. God was again promising me that he doesn't just restore things to patch them back together, or provide basic dry wall...he creates it new again.
Better than before... with his treasures.
Zadyn proclaimed a truth
to me that day. The foundation was being made, even though it wasn't visible he
believed a house was going to be built. It was my unbelief that was hindering
me from seeing that very clear promise. It took him proclaiming truth for me to
see that indeed he was right.
Praise be to the LORD, who has given rest to his people Israel
just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave
through his servant Moses. May the LORD our God be with us as he was with our
fathers; may he never leave us nor forsake us. May he turn our hearts to him,
to walk in all his ways and to keep the commands, decrees and regulations he
gave our fathers. 59And may these words of mine, which I have prayed before the
LORD, be near to the LORD our God day and night, that he may uphold the cause
of his servant and the cause of his people Israel according to each day's need,
so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the LORD is God and that
there is no other. But your hearts must be fully committed to the LORD our God,
to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time."
1 Kings
8:56-61
Your promises have been
thoroughly tested, and your
servant loves them.
Psalm 119:140
I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your
word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night that I may meditate on
your promises. Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O
LORD, according to your laws. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise
preserves my life.
Psalm 119:147-150
For no matter how many promises God has made, they are
"Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by
us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in
Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in
our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
2 Corinthians 1:20-22
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who
promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward
love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:23-24
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and
godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and
goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises,
so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the
corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make
every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to
knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to
perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly
kindness, love.
Peter 1:3-7
God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is
a shield for all who look to him for protection.
Psalm 18:30
God has revealed a hidden treasure to me. It is the beautiful treasure of his promises. I saw them hidden in the dark. Even in a time where I was questioning his ability
to build. I didn't see progress just shifting and slow movement....
Now when I go out the back
door to put the trash out and look across the street at what was just a few
weeks ago a pile of dirt and bricks...
Today..... there stands a
house.
Allowing God to prove His
promises are true in my life and claiming them as truth, means I am allowing
him to shift the dirt even when little progress seems evident. It is in his
promises and when I declare that his promises are true, that I start to see
that he is building a strong foundation for me to rely on. It is by His Word,
through His Promises that He begins movement and preparation for my foundation
of faith in Him.
Today he may be preparing
the foundation but soon...
He will build a house.
God's very word is now the air I
breath. His promises lead me forward. They embrace me when I feel all hope is
gone. It is by his word that life goes on. In the darkness I found his word and
his promises a real treasure in the darkness that not only gives me hope for
the future but gives me life.
His word is truth. In the midst of
great darkness and a flood of hurt and pain. Truth has been my power and
strength. When evil tries to lie to me about God's promises, it is his word that
defends me, protects me.
I am not sure how long I lived in the
deceit of what I thought was real. It was then that I was was the darkness. But once truth broke
through it illuminated things so I could see. It was truth that made me
acknowledge the darkness I was already apart of and enduring.
On my way into town last week it was
super foggy. There was a small round spot in the fog that got brighter and
brighter and brighter.... till finally it broke through.... light. Darkness
makes things foggy. It's hard to see clearly. But once truth and light is added
it breaks through all barriers to flood through.
His promises have been a priceless
treasure in the midst of great darkness. It is by his word that truth has
turned on the light.
There are treasures that are hidden in
dark places. What a surprise to me one year later. Not only have I seen the
treasure of his people showing me his unfailing love. But experienced his word living
and breathing in me as truth floods through all the darkness around me.
There
is still one more treasure...
Life.
Gandhi said, "Where there is love
there is life."
"Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all
fear."
1 John 4:18
I never expected a journey of darkness
to lead me here. One year out.... I am happy. Life is bright. I love my life. I love the four
crazy treasures that make up my world. I have been richly blessed.
There is a song called
"Worn."
Let me see redemption win
Let me know
the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know
a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
The real treasure is that in the midst
of losing my life... I have found it.
Life means loving without fear. It means
that I live each day in love with the God who wants fullness for my life. Not
happiness. There are things that still make life uncertain, unclear, hard, but my life is full of His love. I see it reducing all of these things and flooding light where it gets dark.
I have seen how his redemption and his plan never fails. Even
in the moments when we think it has.... he has it covered.
I have experienced his treasure and gift of love. And his generous love for me by allowing me the gift and treasure of falling in love again. God has blessed me with an amazing man, one who shows me Godly love. Just last night he came home and was greeted
by Miah Miah who thinks "DD" aka (Andy) is a famous person... well... I guess he is to us all.We even fight for the empty space next to him on the sofa. In which I lost the other night and went crashing to the floor. Awan however celebrated with a victory dance and close snuggles next to him.
After a long weekend away and
a busy week Miah Miah was ready to play and embrace his love for her. She was
excited for him to see her slide down her 2 foot slide... in which he decided
to lay on the slide part. She happily climbed up on top looked at him and said "OFF DD!" He remained still with a giggle. She smiled and
with a huge grin and without hesitation dove into his lap from the top of the slide. I couldn't help
but to see her surrender to his love. Her complete confidence and ability to
jump into his arms with no fear.
She knew.... He had her covered.
He would
catch her.
What a perfect illustration of God's
love for me. He treasures me. His only desire for me is to accept his love and
dive into his arms when I am uncertain what to do next.
In the midst of uncertain times he is laying below me, giggling... and still. He knows he will catch me.
He has it covered.
Not only is God showing me how perfect
love in him has no fear. He has sent me a gem. A beautiful treasure in the
dark. One I never expected to find on this journey.
He has given me love. Not just his love
but has redeemed and restored what real love means to me.
There is a beautiful song rising from the
ashes of what was burnt to the ground. God is rebuilding me and my life with
love and reminding me that perfect love has no fear. Andy is a huge
gem that he has placed in the darkness that has illuminated God's love for me
in my life as well as the kids. We are grateful for God's rich treasures. That he loves to surprise us with his gems when we least expect it!
It is through God's love for us that he
can restore and rebuild. He takes the darkest part of our lives, and reaches in
with his people, his promises, and his extra generous perks (because he is
crazy about us) and turns the light on as we pass through dark times.
Awan was right.
This is a celebration...
A glow in the dark kind!
We have walked through great
darkness... yes...
but we were glowing while we
walked.
The
god of brilliant lights
Is
shining down over us
Breaking
through the darkness
Covering
all the earth
Oooh,
his love is like an ocean
Oooh,
forever overflowing
The
god of brilliant lights is shining over us
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17
He has given us hidden treasures. They are beautiful gems that are sparkling in the dark.
They have illuminated not just
our path through the darkness.
They have illuminated us.
