At every horizon, the sun rises and the sun sets.
And under every horizon God is working on things unseen.
And under every horizon God is working on things unseen.
A friend greeted my email this morning with this verse. "Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wonderful things that you could never figure out on your own." Jeremiah 33:3 ( The Message)
I can't think of a better verse to explain the journey that my family has been on now for several years. We made the decision to adopt after our daughter at the time was 2, started praying for her sister in Africa. We decided not to act in impulse and choose to pay of excess debt we had before started the adoption process. We wanted to claim this, " Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another." Romans 13:8
It was the summer of 2008, I sat beside my husband at the pool, soaking our feet just to stay cool. We were on vacation and I was reading the book, "Crazy Love." It was twisting my heart and pulling at my soul and doing things I had not quite expected. I began to realize that my desire for MORE, was a real and genuine desire, and that it was possible to have "Crazy Love" for my God. It was different than the relationship I had been taught growing up in the Church. It talked about me taking Christ's path, totally turning and following his desires, and not mine own. I had to get off my own path and turn around and follow him where ever he leads. So there I sat. Soaking in all that Christ had for me and wanted me to be. I felt like I had to act on it, make some significant moment that would change the way I think about my life. So I grabbed my husbands hand, and asked, "Will you jump with me?" He looked confused, and said, "Jump where?" I said into this pool as a symbol of us diving into "Crazy Love" for God in our life. He looked puzzled. He said, " Well sure I will live out "Crazy Love with you, hun, but I don't want to get wet!" Seriously? You don't want to get wet, but you are saying you want "Crazy Love?" We laugh about it now. But isn't this is our typical reaction to God working and moving in our life. We want to join the excitement and love the passion, but if it effects us negatively, then well, we aren't so Crazy after all!
This was a foreshadowing to our beginning journey with Crazy Love. We came home and made lots of changes. We limited television, not because of a legalistic ritual but we honestly craved time with our God. We quit spending money in areas we didn't have to so we could give more. And we felt God calling us to leave our beautiful safe modern home in a new housing addition to minister to a community that has real hurts and needs in in a neighborhood not considered safe. So we promptly placed our house on the market in the worst housing market in the history of reality! LOL I guess we were told several times we were Crazy! We at least had that part going right! What we weren't expecting was getting wet. My idea of Crazy Love was doing radical exceptional things for Christ, and changing lives one by one and making an enormous difference. We both got involved into intercity mission organizations, and started to fall in love with the people were were helping. Life was Crazy Good!
Then about October, the Crazy Journey took a strange and unexpected turn. I got extremely sick. I got wet. I was admitted to the hospital for a 7 day stay then surgery and then about a year of just sleeping, and on good days making it to our coach. This time has been incredibly hard. Little by little my new opportunities were limited, to nothing. Even ordinary tasks like being a wife and mother, had halted, I couldn't function. I went from Doctor to Doctor trying to see if the next one could solve the riddle. But we left many appointments in fear and in disappointment. I began to feel not so favored by God. In the mean time, our house remained unseen buy potential buyers. I felt rejected. I felt benched. I felt any opportunity I had to make a difference was taken away. My new goals were to get up before noon and not go back to bed before 4pm. I missed several months of my kids lives. They are a blur to me now. In that time Awan began to feel abandonment from me, not that I didn't love her when she would come cuddle with me. Not that I didn't kiss her and tell her I was so sorry I was sick. But she had real feelings that things were not as they should be. It hurt. her. She was getting wet. I felt my Crazy Love, move towards Crazy Anger. I was so confused. Why did this happen? I was Crazy in Love with God ready to anything.
Anything?
Anything, but get wet.
We read this week in our small group Jeremiah, crying out to God, saying "You are right, O God, and you set things right. I can't argue with that. But I do have some questions: Why do bad people have it so good?"
I was so upset that this was the treatment for Crazy Love. Sickness, and nothing with our house. But houses sold everyday near us. People happily sold their homes to build bigger homes. I was so lost. God's response back to Jeremiah has challenged me this week, " “If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble and fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets near the Jordan?" Jeremiah12:5
I am beginning to peace things together. My Crazy Love, is not just in the radical things I do for Christ, but it is the foundation to keep me strong in the midst of getting wet. God said to Jeremiah, So you are tired now? Here in a safe place, on solid ground? What happens when you are being chased buy an army and not just men? What happens when your ground shakes? What happens when you find your self in the thickets of the Jordan?
God's response to Jeremiah may sound harsh, but for me it was the reality of what our Crazy Love in Christ is all about. Obedience even when we are getting wet. His discipleship through suffering is what equals Crazy Love. We are crazy to experience hurt, pain, anguish, and yet somewhere in the midst of it find Love, Joy, and peace. That is Crazy.
So what does the horizon and the sun setting and rising have to do with all of this? It is precisely the hope we have in Christ. Not the hope that our house sells, or we get well, not the hope he will allow the wait to be over. The hope is like the Sun, every morning and every evening it is there, we see it's presence. Hope is God's presence. Not in a resolution or a circumstance but the presence through it all. My journey of Crazy Love, keeps going, every morning I see his presence still there, still with me. I call to him and he begins to whisper things so miraculous to me in my ear that I can't even begin to fathom his plan and direction.
Today I am praising God with Crazy Love. I see his love, and understand his favor on me. Because of my suffering, loss and grief while being sick for so long, he has taught me invaluable lessons. These truths will be priceless in dealing with children from another country. They will come wet with loss. A life lost, a language lost and a family lost. He has taught me how hurtful suffering is, how lost it makes us feel, and how deep it effects our soul. He has also taught me that in all of it he provides a constant truth. He is in the horizon, he is in the Sun rising and the Sun setting, he is here. His presence is in my life, whether I am angry or coming to him hurt and broken. He is there in my Crazy Love. No doctor sat with me morning after morning to hear my hurt, my pain and my loss. But God was. God never gave up on my constant prayers of saying I am tired. He said in return, " I am preparing you." The journey of Crazy Love is more about God's never ending presence in our life through the "Crazy"! Not just about what we are doing for him. This journey has challenged me to stay true to my Crazy Love, even when feeling abandoned by him. Today, now healthy and healed but his grace and his presence in my life, we finally can see some of the unseen hope rising above the horizon...
Today we found out we are officially "Paper" Pregnant! God's presence has been with us through so much pain, and hurt. He has been here during the long wait that has been pure anguish. He has been with me through season of pregnancies with my friends, not just their first but their second. Just last week, I realized how long this wait has really been, as I took my friend to a doctors appointment. She is due in a few weeks, to have a beautiful baby girl. And it dawned on me I had been waiting for this adoption through her first pregnancy. God is faithful, even in the times of us feeling like he's abandoned us.
I believe when we let our hurt and suffering enter into constant anger with God, that is when we experience "our" abandonment of God. He remains there all the time. It is us that barricades our sufferings in front of his presence and blessings. But if we reach out and jump into Crazy Love with him no matter the risk of getting wet but expecting it, it become easier to see his hope rising each day. We celebrate today, in finally being at the waiting stage in our adoption. In the next year we will bring home two beautiful children to join our family!
Our house is still for sale. God is still working under the horizon, and whispering things so marvelous to us that we don't even understand what he is doing. I know we are not alone, there are those of you reading this and you are in the midst of getting wet. You are suffering, you are waiting, you are angry, you feel lost, you feel abandoned. My heart yearns for you, I suffer with you. I pray today you will see Crazy Love as an open door to his never ending presence, and as we push our anger aside, we see his promise and his presence, when we are wet and dry with Crazy Love.
God has hope rising in the horizon for you.
He has Crazy Love for us all.
I can't think of a better verse to explain the journey that my family has been on now for several years. We made the decision to adopt after our daughter at the time was 2, started praying for her sister in Africa. We decided not to act in impulse and choose to pay of excess debt we had before started the adoption process. We wanted to claim this, " Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another." Romans 13:8
It was the summer of 2008, I sat beside my husband at the pool, soaking our feet just to stay cool. We were on vacation and I was reading the book, "Crazy Love." It was twisting my heart and pulling at my soul and doing things I had not quite expected. I began to realize that my desire for MORE, was a real and genuine desire, and that it was possible to have "Crazy Love" for my God. It was different than the relationship I had been taught growing up in the Church. It talked about me taking Christ's path, totally turning and following his desires, and not mine own. I had to get off my own path and turn around and follow him where ever he leads. So there I sat. Soaking in all that Christ had for me and wanted me to be. I felt like I had to act on it, make some significant moment that would change the way I think about my life. So I grabbed my husbands hand, and asked, "Will you jump with me?" He looked confused, and said, "Jump where?" I said into this pool as a symbol of us diving into "Crazy Love" for God in our life. He looked puzzled. He said, " Well sure I will live out "Crazy Love with you, hun, but I don't want to get wet!" Seriously? You don't want to get wet, but you are saying you want "Crazy Love?" We laugh about it now. But isn't this is our typical reaction to God working and moving in our life. We want to join the excitement and love the passion, but if it effects us negatively, then well, we aren't so Crazy after all!
This was a foreshadowing to our beginning journey with Crazy Love. We came home and made lots of changes. We limited television, not because of a legalistic ritual but we honestly craved time with our God. We quit spending money in areas we didn't have to so we could give more. And we felt God calling us to leave our beautiful safe modern home in a new housing addition to minister to a community that has real hurts and needs in in a neighborhood not considered safe. So we promptly placed our house on the market in the worst housing market in the history of reality! LOL I guess we were told several times we were Crazy! We at least had that part going right! What we weren't expecting was getting wet. My idea of Crazy Love was doing radical exceptional things for Christ, and changing lives one by one and making an enormous difference. We both got involved into intercity mission organizations, and started to fall in love with the people were were helping. Life was Crazy Good!
Then about October, the Crazy Journey took a strange and unexpected turn. I got extremely sick. I got wet. I was admitted to the hospital for a 7 day stay then surgery and then about a year of just sleeping, and on good days making it to our coach. This time has been incredibly hard. Little by little my new opportunities were limited, to nothing. Even ordinary tasks like being a wife and mother, had halted, I couldn't function. I went from Doctor to Doctor trying to see if the next one could solve the riddle. But we left many appointments in fear and in disappointment. I began to feel not so favored by God. In the mean time, our house remained unseen buy potential buyers. I felt rejected. I felt benched. I felt any opportunity I had to make a difference was taken away. My new goals were to get up before noon and not go back to bed before 4pm. I missed several months of my kids lives. They are a blur to me now. In that time Awan began to feel abandonment from me, not that I didn't love her when she would come cuddle with me. Not that I didn't kiss her and tell her I was so sorry I was sick. But she had real feelings that things were not as they should be. It hurt. her. She was getting wet. I felt my Crazy Love, move towards Crazy Anger. I was so confused. Why did this happen? I was Crazy in Love with God ready to anything.
Anything?
Anything, but get wet.
We read this week in our small group Jeremiah, crying out to God, saying "You are right, O God, and you set things right. I can't argue with that. But I do have some questions: Why do bad people have it so good?"
I was so upset that this was the treatment for Crazy Love. Sickness, and nothing with our house. But houses sold everyday near us. People happily sold their homes to build bigger homes. I was so lost. God's response back to Jeremiah has challenged me this week, " “If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble and fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets near the Jordan?" Jeremiah12:5
I am beginning to peace things together. My Crazy Love, is not just in the radical things I do for Christ, but it is the foundation to keep me strong in the midst of getting wet. God said to Jeremiah, So you are tired now? Here in a safe place, on solid ground? What happens when you are being chased buy an army and not just men? What happens when your ground shakes? What happens when you find your self in the thickets of the Jordan?
God's response to Jeremiah may sound harsh, but for me it was the reality of what our Crazy Love in Christ is all about. Obedience even when we are getting wet. His discipleship through suffering is what equals Crazy Love. We are crazy to experience hurt, pain, anguish, and yet somewhere in the midst of it find Love, Joy, and peace. That is Crazy.
So what does the horizon and the sun setting and rising have to do with all of this? It is precisely the hope we have in Christ. Not the hope that our house sells, or we get well, not the hope he will allow the wait to be over. The hope is like the Sun, every morning and every evening it is there, we see it's presence. Hope is God's presence. Not in a resolution or a circumstance but the presence through it all. My journey of Crazy Love, keeps going, every morning I see his presence still there, still with me. I call to him and he begins to whisper things so miraculous to me in my ear that I can't even begin to fathom his plan and direction.
Today I am praising God with Crazy Love. I see his love, and understand his favor on me. Because of my suffering, loss and grief while being sick for so long, he has taught me invaluable lessons. These truths will be priceless in dealing with children from another country. They will come wet with loss. A life lost, a language lost and a family lost. He has taught me how hurtful suffering is, how lost it makes us feel, and how deep it effects our soul. He has also taught me that in all of it he provides a constant truth. He is in the horizon, he is in the Sun rising and the Sun setting, he is here. His presence is in my life, whether I am angry or coming to him hurt and broken. He is there in my Crazy Love. No doctor sat with me morning after morning to hear my hurt, my pain and my loss. But God was. God never gave up on my constant prayers of saying I am tired. He said in return, " I am preparing you." The journey of Crazy Love is more about God's never ending presence in our life through the "Crazy"! Not just about what we are doing for him. This journey has challenged me to stay true to my Crazy Love, even when feeling abandoned by him. Today, now healthy and healed but his grace and his presence in my life, we finally can see some of the unseen hope rising above the horizon...
Today we found out we are officially "Paper" Pregnant! God's presence has been with us through so much pain, and hurt. He has been here during the long wait that has been pure anguish. He has been with me through season of pregnancies with my friends, not just their first but their second. Just last week, I realized how long this wait has really been, as I took my friend to a doctors appointment. She is due in a few weeks, to have a beautiful baby girl. And it dawned on me I had been waiting for this adoption through her first pregnancy. God is faithful, even in the times of us feeling like he's abandoned us.
I believe when we let our hurt and suffering enter into constant anger with God, that is when we experience "our" abandonment of God. He remains there all the time. It is us that barricades our sufferings in front of his presence and blessings. But if we reach out and jump into Crazy Love with him no matter the risk of getting wet but expecting it, it become easier to see his hope rising each day. We celebrate today, in finally being at the waiting stage in our adoption. In the next year we will bring home two beautiful children to join our family!
Our house is still for sale. God is still working under the horizon, and whispering things so marvelous to us that we don't even understand what he is doing. I know we are not alone, there are those of you reading this and you are in the midst of getting wet. You are suffering, you are waiting, you are angry, you feel lost, you feel abandoned. My heart yearns for you, I suffer with you. I pray today you will see Crazy Love as an open door to his never ending presence, and as we push our anger aside, we see his promise and his presence, when we are wet and dry with Crazy Love.
God has hope rising in the horizon for you.
He has Crazy Love for us all.
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