Waiting in CONFIDENCE.

Expect with CONFIDENCE that what is unseen 

is just underneath the horizon.

This is a time of the unknown for us. With adoption so often there are times of extended waiting and then times of complete chaos getting papers ready, more waiting, traveling, passing court, and then more waiting. This time the waiting feels different. There is a feeling of a wide hole exposed and feeling barren. It's like being handed your baby after 9 months of work and labor, and then they tell you to go and wait  an undisclosed amount of time to be able to bring him or her home. We couldn't really imagine that. So experiencing it brings this disoriented feeling to me. I think I must look like I am just spinning my wheels not sure what direction to head!

We have also had some uncertainty with our house. We just about get to the point we forget it's still for sale! LOL  Then we get an interested prospect. We now have two. So I am feeling the unknown feeling of, "Are we moving?" "Are we not?" "Will it be to much for Tad?"  "Could it happen before we get him?" To much thinking is what my husband says! Which doesn't help to much.

My mom is always reading my posts. She has a skill at reminding me of my own words by saying. I heard a girl once say, " And quotes me word for word as a reminder that I so often forget what I know to be true!"

I kind of did that to myself today, reading some old post and feeling weepy about my unknowing circumstances. And I read a post I had posted early on that was entitled "Hope Rising." My first paragraph said this... 

At every horizon, the sun rises and the sun sets.
And under every horizon God is working on things unseen.

I was thinking about a verse this week, and then a friend suggested I read Hebrews 11. And whaalaah, it was the passage I had been thinking about. It is the Faith chapter.

Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." 

The rest of Hebrew 11 is a retelling of stories of Spiritual Faith. Stories about people just like us that instead of focusing on the unknown they had faith in the assurance of what God had already promised them in the future.

The Greek word for assurance is hypostasis, which means CONFIDENCE.  That we have CONFIDENCE of the things hoped for.  Faith is described with two words. CONFIDENCE, and CONVICTION.

Often times when we like to use the word, HOPE, we have this vague hope grounded in this imaginary idea of something, maybe even more like wishful thinking. But the word used here is not our kind of HOPE, it is CONFIDENCE. It is solid and secure. It is not vague.

Which leads me the other word faith is described as, CONVICTION.  A CONVICTION according to my google dictionary, says it is a FIRM thought or belief. Something that is not whimsical or vague but sharp and defined. Solid, and not flexible.

So putting this one verse into full meaning...Faith is the CONFIDENCE in things we have been given CONFIDENCE in. ( So that is probably clear as gravy!)  Stay with me. They are things that are fixed and solid, never changing and true to us. Faith moves past what we can see, not just the things that our eyes tell us that are confident, and firm. Spiritual faith goes beyond to even the things we have not yet seen. Faith is a settled CONFIDENCE that something in the future that has not yet been seen but has been CONVICTED to you, or made firm to you will happen and will be. Let's rather say it like this,  it is a PROMISE by God that will come to pass, and God will bring it to the horizon for us to see. How can we know this? Because our faith is something we are CONFIDENT in and CONVICTED in.

We hear this phrase about faith, "A leap in the dark." Or a "Leap of Faith". We get confused when we describe Spiritual Faith this way. Spiritual Faith is not a leap into "nothing" it is not "vague", it is actually the opposite. It is a LEAP of CONFIDENCE, that what we have been CONVICTED or PROMISED and we are CONFIDENT we will land not wavering but standing firm.

In this time of waiting. It is easy to focus on the unseen. The calendar with no return date for Tad, and the hole that engulfs my heart because I  am 10,000 miles away from him.  I can look at the uncertainty of each prospective buyer for our house and toss out a hopeful, wish, but this is not Spiritual faith. This is not trusting in the unseen. This is not having CONFIDENCE in what God has personally REVEALED, CONVICTED, and PROMISED to me.

Now it is by CONFIDENCE OF THINGS THAT WILL COME BECAUSE OF THE PROMISE CHRIST HAS GIVEN ME THAT THEY WILL BE.

It was 4 years ago, our hearts was CONVICTED. God spoke into our hearts and there, a little boy was conceived. So it is with CONFIDENCE that I look forward to the unseen, and know he will be home with us. I have been given God's promise and I can be CONFIDENT in his CONVICTION.

It was 3 years ago, that the same kind of CONVICTION came to us. We felt a small still firm voice tell us to MOVE into a part of town that hasn't seen Jesus lately. And with great CONFIDENCE we have had our house on the market even in the worst housing market in history. We don't have to count our losses when our house is turned down by someone again, and again. We can stand firm in CONFIDENCE, that the Lord CONVICTED our hearts and has PROMISED to move us even though it is unseen to us now.We can stand firm in the things we hope for because we have faith and confidence that he will be there to fulfill what he says.

It is by Faith, we read in Hebrews about many who God gave Promises and Convictions. And we see in all of them his Promises were held true and where firm! What proof for us to believe in CONFIDENCE with them. And trust he will do the same for us just as he promises here.

Now I see the child conceived in my heart as a rock that is not movable. So embassy dates or not, my faith can be firm in the promise that God has given me. That Tad is my son, and his is most defiantly apart of our future. We can't see the date on the horizon line, but think what God can see just below it! I imagine it is a pretty amazing view for all of us!

So here is my challenge.  If you are burdened by things you can't see or control, make a list of the things God has been CONVICTING you or PROMISING you. Stand firm and be CONFIDENT in his PROMISES, and then all of the unseen things will fade away and you will step into the life in which God has asked you to Leap into. with CONFIDENCE .Not hoping or wishing he is there to help you land, but knowing he will!

** We are confident that Tad is our son and  and we know he will be home with us soon. We pray in confidence Lord that you will make a way for him to be here in our arms quickly, but we have CONFIDENCE in you that you are wiser, you are stronger and you know exactly what we all need. We have Spiritual Faith that you will lead us all home in faith. It is in you that we have CONFIDENCE and that you are not something not vague and not hopeful, but TRUE.

Declaring the day of the Lord's Favor!

While we were in Ethiopia last week, I read this verse about 15 times. Usually this is a pretty good indicator that God is calling me to something or really asking me to Listen to him. I read two books on the long trip and saw this verse in each of them. I was emailed but friends this verse while I was gone, and read it several times in my devotions, as well, as the Sunday morning service that we attended.


"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."      Luke 4:18  ( Isaiah 61)

This is our Christmas Celebration. As we rush through the malls searching for the perfect gift for the people in our lives that already posses everything, why don't we proclaim a bigger celebration. Why not celebrate the year of the Lord's favor this Christmas by rescuing the poor. Not just the poor in wealth but the poor in spirit.


In Ethiopia, we had the honor of meeting an amazing Man of faith, Ewenetu. He is 30, and living in a poor country but even though he grew up with 12 brothers and sisters, being the 7 child in his family he decided that even his resources could not keep him from living this verse out to the fullest.  Ewenetu was our driver in Ethiopia. He asks a mere $20 USD for a half day and $50 USD for a full day of driving. He would wait in the car as we ate dinner, or shopped. And each time returning we noticed he wasn't playing games on his cell phone or texting his friends, he was with his most important friend Christ. He had a small Amharic Bible, and was always reading it in between his travels. As we got to know him we found that he was a driver to support his income so he didn't have to take a salary. He owned three orphanages, Resurrection Orphans & Widows Service,  that support not only orphans but widows as well. He currently has around 200 sponsors but his goal is 1,000! He is taking responsibility for the 5 million orphans that are in Ethiopia alone, not to mention 180 million in the world today. Just by taking care of a few, he is helping change the the lives of the ones in his care which is life changing!

As we heard him talk about his orphanages, and I had to go see them, meet his children.  I was amazed at the care he was giving each child. The orphanage was so clean, and the kids were singing "Do Lord oh, do Lord"  Some friends of ours had previously visited another government orphanage and told us horror stories of the care they were giving the children. They said some children had diapers that were well overdue for changing. Some of the children they said they knew had pneumonia. The place was a hell on earth for these children. We were prepared for the same experience, but instead found a heaven on earth for the poor, and the captives. Ewenetu understands declaring the day of Lord's favor, because he lives in it each day.

So what does this all mean to me? As I came back from a poor country but so wealthy in love and in beauty in other ways we so often look past, I realized that God is calling me to ask you all to rethink this Christmas and choose to celebrate it as the day of the Lord's favor on the weak, the poor, the down and out, the orphans and the widows.

For your parents or siblings, give them a gift that changes not just them, but a legacy for a child or widow.


You can find more about his orphanage and supporting a child at: www.rowsinternational.org. Here is some information.


At ROWS we have created the great opportunity for you to be part of a fantastic group of child sponsors. For just $30 a month ($1 a day) you can help provide love, care and basic needs for children who have nothing and no-one. With our careful selection of needy children, we will provide all the information about a specific child including matching age and gender to help you choose which one you would like to sponsor. If you wish you can leave us to decide where the need is greatest at present, ROWS will ensure your money is used properly to provide proper care to the child of your choice including food, school, medical, recreation and so on.

Once you start sponsoring a child we will provide you with up-to-date progress report on the child and see the difference your sponsorship makes. Depending on your wish you can also visit the child and make more donations for birthday and other special occasions.

ROWS manage your money to its maximum effects by reducing administrative cost using volunteers in different specialty areas who keeps our costs low and use the sponsorship money to provide long term help until the child is old enough to be independent. So, why not sponsor now? A little boy or girl in desperate need is waiting for your help. 


This Christmas I am understanding that God has asked me to proclaim the need of the poor to us whom have been given much so that we can also be free from the captive of materialism. Join with me in my Christmas Challenge, to help Ewenetu get his 1,000 sponsors! Post it on my page if you are willing to sponsor and give a gift to someone this Christmas that represents Christ in his fullest.  Even if you can't sponsor a child, any donation will be huge! Our money is worth 16 times their money so giving a little is 16 times more than they could do themselves. Time and time again, Christ shows us in the New Testament what amazing things he can do with just 5 loaves and 2 fish. Don't let the little stand in your way of allowing God to do huge things this Christmas.

Here is our change to declare the day of the Lord's Favor!

2 Weeks from TODAY!!!

So often our measure of God's influence or power in our life is by what is happening to us. When things are working out or if a miracle occurs we know it and label it a "God thing." When we think of miracles in our western mind sets we assume it means short, relief, comfort, moving on to new things. We think of miracles as taking a desolate situation and turning it into a fantastic one over night.

When we first decided to adopt we decided not take out loans for the adoption but decided to do it the slow way and pay stuff off little by little. There was a piece of me that was just waiting for the thunder bolt miracle to happen. A huge check in the mail with my name on it! Or maybe just maybe we will put our house up for sale and it will sell the next week, because God is on our side right? So it will just sell, even in this crappy market! He is for me, so it will move, it will be a miracle for every one to see! I must proclaim that he has done a miracle in my life without selling our house super fast and giving me a lighting bolt miracle to fund our adoption.

We become arrogant with God when we assume he works in quick and spontaneous ways and that is the only way he works. We become ignorant to the real miracle that he wants us to have and accept.

I remember so many days in the last 4 years, that I would run to my bed, hide myself in the comfort of my covers and cry in the arms of my Lord. Hurt, broken, and terribly confused by his plan. Why did he ask us to move, yet 2 years and 6 months later, we have yet to sell the house? Why did my health fail, and we have to struggle as a family just to keep things going, while I went in and out of the hospital, and made our family life out of doctors visits? Why was it taking so long to pay off debt? Why had all the other houses in the area sold but ours?

I would lay in bed in agony praying for a minute miracle. That the phone would ring, and it would be our Realtor, giving us the big congrats. But it didn't happen. I would hope beyond all measure that God would just fix it all and leave me alone.

The last 4 years has by far been marked by suffering. But in the suffering I have found the biggest miracle of all. The closeness of Christ in the suffering. He was always there. Every time I would run to my bed and collapse, he was there. Even when I was angry and mad and hated him at times, he was there.

So often we hear the stories of instant miracles, but that is not the story or experience God gave me. The real miracle of this whole journey has been one of trust and dependence. The miracle is not that we will be leaving in two weeks to see our little Tad. The miracle is that God has stayed beside me for the last 4 years pushing me and teaching me to trust him with it. About 4 years ago I struggled with extreme fear. Fear of going places, doing things. Now in two weeks, I will step onto an airplane and fly clear across the world. That is a miracle. Not something that just happened but was through the power of the Holy Spirit transforming this fearful person so that I can move beyond my fears to be with him and where he wants to take me.

Even though my health comes and goes, and my body sometimes is my worst enemy, I have learned not to trust my physical self. It can do very little for me. But the Spirit working in me and the presence of God in my life is what moves me from place to place and that my health and physicality may be one of my greatest weaknesses but the real miracle is that God is stronger than I am.

The miracle we have been given, is not early court dates, and an interested buyer in our house. The real miracle that I have been given is God's presence. Not in the good times, but trusting and knowing he is there even in the muck, even when I want to reject everything he is doing in my life. Knowing he still walks hand in hand with me, through 4 years of suffering, he has given me a trust in him that is beyond any short term miracle could ever give me.

A friend texted me this verse this week. Psalm 20. It didn't surprise me to much. Because for the last 4 years he has prompted friends, and family to send me this confirmation, so thatI know he understands my heart, and the reminder that he is the miracle in my life. Not any circumstance or situation. It is by His presence alone, we have been blessed with a miracle of his Grace and Love.

I want so much to encourage everyone, suffering. That though it sucks, and though the pain feels so unbearable, the day to day dependence on his Love and understanding is the real miracle you will ever receive. Yes you might get an early court date, or your house might sell super fast. But the real gift is going through the long days with no minute miracles, but seeing the faithfulness of His presence through the crap!

Psalm 20:4- " May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans! May we shout for joy over your salvation and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the Lord fulfill all your petitions!

Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with saving might of his right hand.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They collapse and fall but we rise and stand up right!

Proclaiming this for all of you today! I hope you can all be blessed with the miracle of His presence, even when things are not working out. He has foreseen our court date even before we ever decided to adopt. He understood the path he was taking me on. He knew it was more powerful for me to see his love and his presence through suffering, and agony than a one minute miracle that left me guessing what I had saw. I have an unbelievable amount of trust in him and him alone. There is no way I can take this trip to Africa in two weeks, or do any of the things he is asking me to do, and now I know that's is exactly where he wants me. Not trusting in what I can get done or do, but handing it to him and being confident that we don't trust in the momentary securities, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

We will be leaving November 5th, two weeks today to meet Tad. This story is far from over, it is only the beginning of a new journey with Christ where he can teach me more about who he is and the adoption I have as him as my Abba Father.

We have court dates!

Court Date Day! Praising God for our court dates!

This morning I gave in and started an email to our case worker for our adoption agency. I woke up full of questions for her. We hadn't heard any finalization that our paperwork had been submitted to court. As far as we knew they were still translating it. So the anxiety killed me this morning and I broke down and send her an email just asking where we were at.

I also have felt overwhelmed for Tad. I wanted to know does he know he has a family coming? Does he understand what is ahead of him? How will we communicate with him when he speaks a rare language? What size of clothes does he where? How big are his feet? All things as a Mom I feel I should know about my little boy! The distance makes my heart yearn for court dates. Not that I am wishing my time away, but it is a home sickness for your child that is so far away. Well I quickly got an email back from the agency, and it said, I need to talk with you both, can I call you now.

My heart sorta stopped in fear that oh, no maybe something fell through. As I answered the phone, her excitement hit me by surprise as she said, " Congratulations!" I was thinking what? And she said I have COURT DATES, for you guys!! Holy Cow! I didn't know the paperwork was even submitted yet, and they told us it could take months to get a court date.

She told us our 1st Court Date is November 11th. This is where the Ministry of Women Affairs will submit information concerning our adoption to court and the judge will interview the responsible parties for relinquishing Tad for adoption. Once we pass this court date we can then book our flight!

Our 2nd Court Date is December 13th!!! We should leave on Jeremy's birthday or near then around the 7-8th to fly to Ethiopia to prepare for court and meet our little Tad for the first time!


She also answered questions to most of my concerns. Yes, Tad knows we are coming, and he has a family. They are working with him so he understands the concept of adoption and knows he will be moving away. They have been exposing him to English tapes and books so he can start to hear and learn English! This is HUGE! They also said he has picked up some of the Amharic language which is easier for us to start to pick up some short phrases because Tad's native language is very remote, and hard to find resources to translate it. This is a huge relief to know he is being prepared. We got new photos of him last week, he is so HAPPY! I told my mom it looks like they are saying, "Tad, smile for your family!" And there is a glow in his eyes that makes me know he is a Happy Boy. His soul has been protected by God's angels from all that he has faced in his short 4 years of life. We even got a birthday for him last week too! April 30th! He will turn 5. He is a slight bit older than they first told us, but he is still ours! <3

I am flooded with emotions! Giddy, and excited! Amazed at God's orchestration of small details and planning things out in his way and in his time. Ready to jump on a plane and squeeze my little Tad, and see his huge smile in person!

God answered a huge prayer last week, with a medical exam that confirmed that Tad's liver is NORMAL! On our paperwork/ referral there was concern he could be in liver failure. But the liver was normal and just fine last week! So glad to know that my little boy is ok!

It's hard to be a world away from your son. I can't explain the feeling of it. Though I have never met him and and have only seen his face, I have a love in my heart for him that has grown over the last 4 years of waiting for this time. With a regular pregnancy you feel it at conception, you know you have something growing in your womb. I guess adoption is like that, only this conception grows in your heart. The Holy Spirit has allowed me to be connected to Tad even though I am a whole world away. That is powerful.

Thanks for your prayers and support. Here are some ways you can pray with us!

1.) November 11 court date is HUGE~ Pray that everything is in order and that the Judge allows us to proceed to travel!

2.) Sanity- We have to research flights, get visas, vaccines, and prepare our hearts for this life changing event.

3.) Though God always provides, we do have to finance two trips to Africa between now and January. GOINK. LOL

4.) Tad. That this experience will be one he remembers as a new beginning, and that it is not so traumatic for him.

Thanks again! Love you all.

My Walk with a King.

Today I took the hand of my little King and we took a special trip. We took an exploration of the park. He was the King, and could take me anywhere he wanted me to go. We walked around the pond and stopped to say "Hi" to the butterfly that was sitting on the nose of a giraffe on the teeter totter. We took an adventure through the dried up river valley, and my little King was so kind to help me up and down the treacherous inclines.We threw pebbles in the pond near the minnows. King Zadyn took us under the shade tree to hide from the sun.

My little King would walk some of the time hand in hand with me and other times, rambling on about 10 feet in front of me like I was still standing by him. I stood behind and just watched him. He was so in charge, yet he had no place or destination in mind. He was merely enjoying his journey as a King, with only one thing in mind. His mom. Me.

It got me thinking about my walk with my King. How so often we assume he has some profound destination for us that we are "headed" somewhere. But the reality of it is, he is no different than my little King today. He wants nothing more than us to just walk with him, be with him, experience life with him. There doesn't have to be an ending point that he is taking us too. I spent an hour walking in circles with Zadyn, my little King for a day. He taught me that it didn't matter that we ended up where we started but it was the presence of me that matter to him most. How simple it is that God our King, only asks us to walk with him. And to enjoy where he is taking us next experiencing it with him. And watching him interact in our lives while we are there holding his hand. And even when we feel like his hand is out of reach, he is ahead of us talking to us, as if we never let go.

Conquering Obstacles.

With all the excitement of the news of this little man who is entering our life, I was so excited to go Worship Sunday! I had so much excitement about praising God for his miracles this week in our family. I woke up Sunday morning feeling burdened. Down. "What" Down? After everything God has orchestrated for you Amy you are down? I had spent the morning looking over Tad's medical reports. There were words jumping off the pages that started to build fear upon fear up inside me. I told Jeremy, Satan is trying to rob my joy this morning! We sat and prayed that I could be released from this feeling of worry and fear for my little boy. As we entered church it was so full, and I could feel the Holy Spirit even as I approached the doors, hearing the excitement of worship in everyone's heart. As we took our places in the pew, I still had this overwhelming presence of fear in my mind. We started to sing.. "Our God is greater, Our God is stronger......" and the tears just started flowing down my face... I was standing in a moment where God's love did feel like a hurricane. Katara spoke about how our life follows our words. She used Caleb and Joshua as an example of God promising them something, and their faith that remained strong, and their confidence in God remained unmovable even though what was laying before them was huge! She compared it to the other Israelites who had lost faith in the promise of what God said to them, and began speaking words of defeat instead of words of victory. How powerful our words are! I realized that I was reacting more like the Isrealites. Out of fear instead of faith. That even if we have huge health obstacles that may stand in our way, God has promised Tad to us, and we need to stand confident that he will over come our obstacles. A friend posted on my facebook last week, "Your Prayers are in my thoughts. God will give you the strength you need to conquer your obstacles." Thanks Mindy! You are so right. He is our strength that we need to conquer the things that create fear in us. He allows our faith to conquer our fears.

Pastor Ryan, gave me the opportunity to share our story Sunday. It was important for me to publicly celebrate his power in my life. Also a reminder to everyone still hurting and still waiting on God that his answers often don't come in a particular outcome, but his true blessing is the presence of him in our life as we are going through the obstacles. That is the real journey, not the outcome of an answered prayer. Though there is power in his answers there is more power in his presence while you are hurting. I believe that! As I was sharing with the people at God's House, I was taken back by his people. I started quoting Psalms 30:5 and it was so comforting, I began saying, " Weeping only lasts for a night..." And they finished it. "But REJOICING COMES IN THE MORNING!"

Even as the day went on I grew anxious for our phone meeting with a doctor from Riley's International Adoption Clinic. I knew God was going to give us the strength to face whatever we need to do with Tad, but my heart felt so pulled. I feel like my heart is in Ethiopia as well as here. I have a child laying in his bed, feeling alone, and maybe even sick. I want to know how he is. Is he okay? Is he terribly sick?

I woke up this morning. And I had a vague feeling that I visited Tad last night, and heard the doctors talking about him. Saying he was happy and healthy and doing great. My anxiety seemed to calm, and then our phone rang from the doctor.

Another miracle. His medical condition is minimal!!!!!!!! She is still looking over some heart reports but isn't expecting anything serious. From what they can see on his paper work! He is as healthy as a child from a third world country could be. Praising God for that comfort! I feel God's peace and his strength this morning. His confirmation about this little boy has been overwhelming. We filled out the referral papers today accepting Tad into our family!

Continue to pray that Tad remains healthy! And that his paper work goes through without any problems and that he remains adoption ready. We hope to travel this December if all goes well.


Praising God for his presence through the hard times. His presence in the waiting. And his power in the miracles. He is Greater. He is Stronger. He is a Healing, Restoring God. I am humbled by his love and grace.

Our Adoption Miracle.

This week has been a flood of emotions. If you read my last post you saw that our referral for our adoption had been prolonged to at the earliest May. My heart was heavy all day on Wednesday. It was so encouraging getting messages from all of you knowing there was a body of Christ there praying and supporting us.

I went to bed and there was little sleep in me. I cried and cried. In tears and in prayers. I was lost and discouraged. Jeremy and I felt like for the past 4 years we have been praying the same prayer and there felt like there was no answer. I think Wednesday night I felt the most desperation that I have ever felt. Jeremy and I tossed up and down the idea of broadening our age specifications to see if that would speed things up more. But we honestly felt like we couldn't. We trusted God's voice in that decision. Jeremy had sent an email to our agency just asking more questions about the time delay to get a clearer picture to why and when?!

I woke up the next morning after very little sleep. The hangover of emotions was wore on my puffy red face. Swollen from my sobbing. I stumbled out of bed and went about my morning. Got Awan to school, and then on our way home Jeremy's phone rang.

I could tell it was Emily from our agency. I zoned out the window waiting for the confirmation that yes, we were in fact up for another year of waiting. I heard Jeremy say, "Let me talk it over with Amy...." My zone turned into an curious glare. What! He said. " She called, because they have a little boy. He is 3. They are looking to place him in a family soon. She said she usually would mass email out to see what family was interested but when she came to work all she could think about was our family after reading Jeremy's email from the previous day. She talked to her director, and agreed that this little boy should only be offered to us as a referral. Our concern was that we had requested for two children. So we called her back and told her our concern. She said we have already approved that you can adopt this little boy, spend 6 months with him and then once he is adjusted your name will be about ready to be referred for a little girl. We will allow you to come back and get her after the 6 months.

This was huge. One of my fears had been bringing home two children and bonding with them and balancing our other two. So we said we would like to have all of his information.

I was so excited I called my parents. My dad answered. He said you sound like you had a rough night. I said I did! So he began to tell me that he had a dream. They were at a party, and my Mom said come see what is in the hallway!! And when my dad looked there was a 3-4 year old boy from Africa, and my Mom said, " He's yours." My Dad told me in tears,God has this little boy for you Amy, I just know it. I was crying too, and said. " He does and he is 3! We had no name and no information yet. So later that day I got an email that had his African name. As soon as I saw it I knew yes, that is his name!!! We had no names for a boy chosen. His African name is well African so pronunciation is a challenge. But the first three letters popped out of the screen. TAD. That is it that is his name!! Tad! I called my Mom and told her and she was so excited! She went home and my Dad said I know in my dream the boys name was a three letter word. I cant seem to think of it. I know it was three letters but unusual. My mom said they are going to name him "Tad". My mom said my dad turned white as a ghost and began to cry, yes... That was his name. Tad.

The last day has been a whirl wind of emotions for us. But after taking one look at his photos, where he wore a beautiful pink fur coat with matching pink shirt, shorts, and girl sandals his huge smile and mischief grin, we all fell in love. We have gone from wheeping at night to rejoicing in the morning. The morning we got our referral, my mom read this: " Weeping lasts for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

That has been our miracle. That God hears and works even though it may take years for it to evolve his plan is sovereign. He had a miracle for us. And we are so glad we have a new son, Tad. We hope to travel this winter for our first court hearing, and then sometime in the new year, bring him home. As we wait for God to design and plan the adoption story of our little girl whom we know we will soon to love just as much as Tad.

Thanks for your prayers, and continued support. We will have to make 4 trips to Ethiopia in the next year. So please pray for us as we financially figure out how to make that happen! And pray that things go smooth with his paperwork and that this doesn't fall through. He will not be "Ours" until we appear in Ethiopia in court. So please pray he remains adoption ready and that we can bring him home soon!

I love that God loves to surprise the socks off us just to see our reaction. He is amazing. And my heart is praying for all of those still in waiting. Still in desperation and feeling the pain of a prayer request that hasn't been answered. Be ready. He can change your weeping to rejoicing.


(We can't post photos until we pass court, and he become our son legally.) *

Asking for Prayer.

So of you may have already figured out that our adoption process is moving very slow. It will be about 4 years since we first made the decision to adopt. And we finally applied on Christmas of 2009. We have been on the referral list for 4 months now. We were told to expect it to be about 8-9 month wait. So we thought we had at least made it to half way! But yesterday we were told that the referrals for our specific request are now taking closer to 12 months. Another year.

Waiting gets really old. I have understood so much during this long time of waiting, but it still feels defeating. It's like thinking you are 4 months pregnant and then finding out you are really only about 4 weeks along. I trust him with my disappointments, but there is a strong part of me that just wants to figure out how to control it and fix it.

Pastor Ryan talked last Sunday about, " Surrender." I guess I am putting that into use this week. There is nothing I can do, but trust that his plan has our best interests in mind. Our small group is reading through the Bible and we read Zechariah last week, and in 4:6 it says, " Not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit, says the Lord of hosts." It is only through his Spirit that I can place my trust.

Another on going burden has been us selling our house. We were also called to sell our house to move to the intercity of Marion. That was 2 years and 4 months ago, and little to no movement has happened.

I guess in this post today I am asking for help. In Luke 11:9 it says: "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." For so long I have read this verse as, Ask God and he will be there to help listen and answer your prayers according to his will. But the other day, a light came on that Jeremy and I are very independent people. We see a challenge and we conquer it usually on our own. We very seldom ask others for help. But after reading this verse it clicked with me that God might be saying to me. Ask my people. So I am. Jeremy and I need prayer. We need to know we have people cheering us on while we wait for the two children he has planned to join our family, and prayer that somehow our house would sell and allow us to follow his call to the intercity.

I know that there is nothing I can do, but to surrender it all to him, but also humble myself that we as a family can't do it on our own, we need his body praying and lifting us up as we enter yet another year of waiting in his presence for the things he has promised us.

Thank you for your love and support! We are humbled by this journey and know we need your prayers.

Despicable Us.- The other side to the Muslim Mosque

I took my kids today to see the movie Despicable Me. It was rather enjoyable. Of course Zadyn thought all references to butts, toilets and pooting was absolutely hilarious! And Awan loved the sweet charm of the three girls that steal Dr. Gru's heart. Ours too. But the story is a great story. That before we claim someone a villain, we recognize, a spirit of humanity that is good in all people. If we let go of our fear of others that are different we might just discover that we can love the very people we may have been terrified of.

As of late, I have been dumb founded with God's Grace. I was frantically telling Jeremy yesterday in the car. GRACE= EVERYTHING. I think I haven't truly been able to accept that his Grace can cover the Dr. Gru in me. That his grace covers the worry some, fearful, shop o holic, burdened by what others think of me syndrome parts of me. Grace covers my shortfalls. His love is a wealth in the midst of the poverty that I feel. GRACE= FREEDOM.

Today in America, we are so prideful of our freedom. We do live in a country that allows us to be free, or so we think at least.... But honestly. We are the "free"est people in the world but are we really free? If you turn on CNN, or FOX NEWS, we find that well, we aren't really that free are we? We are bound by FEAR. Fear of terrorism, fear of Democrats taking over the world :) The Antichrists right? LOL The basis of the News is built not on our freedom but built on what is bonding and fearful. We as Americans don't act out of Freedom. We act out of Fear.

Just so we are all on the same page: Fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.^[ Fear could also be an instant reaction to something presently happening.

Where there is Fear, we have no freedom. Here is very shocking reality for most of us. Our American citizenship has and never will make us really FREE. It is only by God's undiscriminating love for us, that we can be free, free in his Grace. Outside of that there is no freedom.

So here is the big question of the week for me. If we as a collective group of people following Jesus Christ, claiming we are in fact his Christ-Follower, do we react out of fear vs freedom in him? If we claim what he claims then how can we react to every issue in a fist up lets fight for "what's ours" kind of way?

I know I won't make many friends, in this blog, but here is my heart cry. If God's love and his ability to accept us all, is so vast then why do his people come across so protective, fearful and even violent.

Here is the other side to the Muslim Mosque. New York followers, of Christ, have the opportunity of a lifetime, in this... They have been given the chance to be apart of a community of Muslims here in our FREE country where we can share with them the amazing GRACE of God, that we serve a God who doesn't care about the Dr. Gru in us without being killed for it. Just this week I heard that three missionaries lost their lives in Afghanistan, feeding the mouths of the hungry. And we shout and fight and show no love to a community that we can love and share our Good News with in freedom, Despicable Us. I am so glad that we do serve a God of Grace because his people need it. We have sinned against the Muslim people. We say we are opposing the mosque, and it's location, but I tend to believe that we all know that is a lie. We are opposing Muslims in a discriminating, hateful, revengeful, unforgiving way that Christ would not be proud of. But even in the mess of our own selfish, fearfulness, with throwing our fists in protest, God's Grace covers us. Praise God for that.


Matthew 5:43-48n (TNIV)

You have heard that it was said. "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, LOVE your enemies and PRAY for those who persecute you., that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you , what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Hope Rising

At every horizon, the sun rises and the sun sets.
And under every horizon God is working on things unseen.

A friend greeted my email this morning with this verse. "Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wonderful things that you could never figure out on your own." Jeremiah 33:3 ( The Message)

I can't think of a better verse to explain the journey that my family has been on now for several years. We made the decision to adopt after our daughter at the time was 2, started praying for her sister in Africa. We decided not to act in impulse and choose to pay of excess debt we had before started the adoption process. We wanted to claim this, " Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another." Romans 13:8

It was the summer of 2008, I sat beside my husband at the pool, soaking our feet just to stay cool. We were on vacation and I was reading the book, "Crazy Love." It was twisting my heart and pulling at my soul and doing things I had not quite expected. I began to realize that my desire for MORE, was a real and genuine desire, and that it was possible to have "Crazy Love" for my God. It was different than the relationship I had been taught growing up in the Church. It talked about me taking Christ's path, totally turning and following his desires, and not mine own. I had to get off my own path and turn around and follow him where ever he leads. So there I sat. Soaking in all that Christ had for me and wanted me to be. I felt like I had to act on it, make some significant moment that would change the way I think about my life. So I grabbed my husbands hand, and asked, "Will you jump with me?" He looked confused, and said, "Jump where?" I said into this pool as a symbol of us diving into "Crazy Love" for God in our life. He looked puzzled. He said, " Well sure I will live out "Crazy Love with you, hun, but I don't want to get wet!" Seriously? You don't want to get wet, but you are saying you want "Crazy Love?" We laugh about it now. But isn't this is our typical reaction to God working and moving in our life. We want to join the excitement and love the passion, but if it effects us negatively, then well, we aren't so Crazy after all!

This was a foreshadowing to our beginning journey with Crazy Love. We came home and made lots of changes. We limited television, not because of a legalistic ritual but we honestly craved time with our God. We quit spending money in areas we didn't have to so we could give more. And we felt God calling us to leave our beautiful safe modern home in a new housing addition to minister to a community that has real hurts and needs in in a neighborhood not considered safe. So we promptly placed our house on the market in the worst housing market in the history of reality! LOL I guess we were told several times we were Crazy! We at least had that part going right! What we weren't expecting was getting wet. My idea of Crazy Love was doing radical exceptional things for Christ, and changing lives one by one and making an enormous difference. We both got involved into intercity mission organizations, and started to fall in love with the people were were helping. Life was Crazy Good!

Then about October, the Crazy Journey took a strange and unexpected turn. I got extremely sick. I got wet. I was admitted to the hospital for a 7 day stay then surgery and then about a year of just sleeping, and on good days making it to our coach. This time has been incredibly hard. Little by little my new opportunities were limited, to nothing. Even ordinary tasks like being a wife and mother, had halted, I couldn't function. I went from Doctor to Doctor trying to see if the next one could solve the riddle. But we left many appointments in fear and in disappointment. I began to feel not so favored by God. In the mean time, our house remained unseen buy potential buyers. I felt rejected. I felt benched. I felt any opportunity I had to make a difference was taken away. My new goals were to get up before noon and not go back to bed before 4pm. I missed several months of my kids lives. They are a blur to me now. In that time Awan began to feel abandonment from me, not that I didn't love her when she would come cuddle with me. Not that I didn't kiss her and tell her I was so sorry I was sick. But she had real feelings that things were not as they should be. It hurt. her. She was getting wet. I felt my Crazy Love, move towards Crazy Anger. I was so confused. Why did this happen? I was Crazy in Love with God ready to anything.

Anything?

Anything, but get wet.

We read this week in our small group Jeremiah, crying out to God, saying "You are right, O God, and you set things right. I can't argue with that. But I do have some questions: Why do bad people have it so good?"

I was so upset that this was the treatment for Crazy Love. Sickness, and nothing with our house. But houses sold everyday near us. People happily sold their homes to build bigger homes. I was so lost. God's response back to Jeremiah has challenged me this week, " “If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble and fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets near the Jordan?" Jeremiah12:5

I am beginning to peace things together. My Crazy Love, is not just in the radical things I do for Christ, but it is the foundation to keep me strong in the midst of getting wet. God said to Jeremiah, So you are tired now? Here in a safe place, on solid ground? What happens when you are being chased buy an army and not just men? What happens when your ground shakes? What happens when you find your self in the thickets of the Jordan?

God's response to Jeremiah may sound harsh, but for me it was the reality of what our Crazy Love in Christ is all about. Obedience even when we are getting wet. His discipleship through suffering is what equals Crazy Love. We are crazy to experience hurt, pain, anguish, and yet somewhere in the midst of it find Love, Joy, and peace. That is Crazy.

So what does the horizon and the sun setting and rising have to do with all of this? It is precisely the hope we have in Christ. Not the hope that our house sells, or we get well, not the hope he will allow the wait to be over. The hope is like the Sun, every morning and every evening it is there, we see it's presence. Hope is God's presence. Not in a resolution or a circumstance but the presence through it all. My journey of Crazy Love, keeps going, every morning I see his presence still there, still with me. I call to him and he begins to whisper things so miraculous to me in my ear that I can't even begin to fathom his plan and direction.

Today I am praising God with Crazy Love. I see his love, and understand his favor on me. Because of my suffering, loss and grief while being sick for so long, he has taught me invaluable lessons. These truths will be priceless in dealing with children from another country. They will come wet with loss. A life lost, a language lost and a family lost. He has taught me how hurtful suffering is, how lost it makes us feel, and how deep it effects our soul. He has also taught me that in all of it he provides a constant truth. He is in the horizon, he is in the Sun rising and the Sun setting, he is here. His presence is in my life, whether I am angry or coming to him hurt and broken. He is there in my Crazy Love. No doctor sat with me morning after morning to hear my hurt, my pain and my loss. But God was. God never gave up on my constant prayers of saying I am tired. He said in return, " I am preparing you." The journey of Crazy Love is more about God's never ending presence in our life through the "Crazy"! Not just about what we are doing for him. This journey has challenged me to stay true to my Crazy Love, even when feeling abandoned by him. Today, now healthy and healed but his grace and his presence in my life, we finally can see some of the unseen hope rising above the horizon...

Today we found out we are officially "Paper" Pregnant! God's presence has been with us through so much pain, and hurt. He has been here during the long wait that has been pure anguish. He has been with me through season of pregnancies with my friends, not just their first but their second. Just last week, I realized how long this wait has really been, as I took my friend to a doctors appointment. She is due in a few weeks, to have a beautiful baby girl. And it dawned on me I had been waiting for this adoption through her first pregnancy. God is faithful, even in the times of us feeling like he's abandoned us.

I believe when we let our hurt and suffering enter into constant anger with God, that is when we experience "our" abandonment of God. He remains there all the time. It is us that barricades our sufferings in front of his presence and blessings. But if we reach out and jump into Crazy Love with him no matter the risk of getting wet but expecting it, it become easier to see his hope rising each day. We celebrate today, in finally being at the waiting stage in our adoption. In the next year we will bring home two beautiful children to join our family!

Our house is still for sale. God is still working under the horizon, and whispering things so marvelous to us that we don't even understand what he is doing. I know we are not alone, there are those of you reading this and you are in the midst of getting wet. You are suffering, you are waiting, you are angry, you feel lost, you feel abandoned. My heart yearns for you, I suffer with you. I pray today you will see Crazy Love as an open door to his never ending presence, and as we push our anger aside, we see his promise and his presence, when we are wet and dry with Crazy Love.

God has hope rising in the horizon for you.

He has Crazy Love for us all.

Today is the day.

It was a few months ago, we as a family took a vacation to the beach. I was in the midst of still struggling with "why's" and "why not's". We put our house up for sale two years ago this week. At a call on our hearts to move to intercity Marion to reach out to people and a community that needs love. And here we are... still here... still waiting for our house to sell.

One day I was sitting at the chilly beach, trying to feel the warmth from the sun but shield myself from the wind. I was sitting in silence asking God the why questions again. I was silently praying to myself, taking in his creation, and wondering why it so hard for me to give him over control. Awan was a ways down the beach from me, working hard on something, and looking up at me every so often yelling for me to come see. I resisted because I was consumed with my crying out to God. Finally I felt as if I had reached the end of my crying out, and decided I should see what she was so excited about.

The closer I got I could tell she was writing in the sand. And finally when I got close enough to her I read it. It was prophetic. "Today is the day." God had spoke through her to me.

Here I am sitting, waiting, and God is telling me. Today is the day. Though what I thought he had called me to has not happened yet, I must keep living out each day. He is teaching me contentment in each new day. Though the big dreams may not seem like they are opening up, he does open up a new morning a new day for me to be apart of. I can take each day apathetically. I act as if I am waiting around in the waiting room wasting time till God shows his face on my life. I forget that I can live it with a purpose and that each new morning is about something completely different than waiting.

Psalm 118:24 " This is the day that the Lord has made; Let's rejoice and be glad today. ( God's Word Translation)

We all find our selves putting life on hold. I will enjoy it when.... We have a blank. But the reality is that even if it is something God has called us to, it is Satan that tells us we must wait, instead of living out what is today.

So even though we are still waiting for our house to sell, and waiting for our referral for our adoption. We must live like, " Today is the day." so that we don't miss what God has created for us now.

What is holding you back from living out, Today?

Sterotypes.

As I search for new found freedom, a thought occurred to me last night. I tend to care to much about what people think. I think sometimes I have theses superpower brain waves that can scan someone while they are in thought and know exactly what they are thinking about me at that moment. Obviously not. So I build a whole fantasy of thoughts or expectations of what people are thinking of me which in turn binds me and keeps me slave to their so called expectations. Or mine.

During lint I felt God calling me to embrace his freedom. About three years ago I found his freedom from fear. Now he is calling me to escape from judgement, and expectations of others.

I have come to the conclusion that I allow myself to soak in stereo types. If you think about it you call it stereo for a reason. Stereo is loud. It is noise, chaos. We allow noise, and chaos to come into our minds and it drowns out any real though of reason.

My first attempt with defeating this overlying blanket of judgement of others, is to first quit putting judgement and stereo types on others. I must shut off the stereo. But how?

This may sound like a theological mess, but it gives me insight to how to be free from judgement. So often we view our Christian walk as a personal one, with Christ. And it is. But what if it was more than that? What if it was a corporate walk with all of human kind & God? So often in the Old Testament God goes to an entire nation, or a group of people. So here is my thought. What if God looks down on us as a nation? There are lots of us outdoing and out going each other. We are running the race but when was it that we looked behind us to help up our friend who has fallen down? If our church fails, but our neighboring church succeeds don't we all fail? As I see others doing amazing things in Christ, I want to be on their team. I think some of us want to say, I wish it were me. If we are are all united, then we would begin cheering on others around us and less likely to judge our neighbors for their failures. For if they are failing then so to are we.

So this is how I react now. Stereo out, and muted silence in. I see someone that is ahead of me running, I cheer from behind. I see that someone has stopped I stop with them and encourage them to run. Because it doesn't matter who finishes the race first. What matters is that we all finish the race.

In Isaiah 52:2 it says, " Shake yourself from the dust and arise; be seated, O Jerusalem; loose the bonds from your neck. O captive daughter of Zion."

The Israelites seemed to always be slave to something. And it was God's first ambition not to justify his people but to set them free. After the Israelites were released from bondage in Babylon. many stayed. That was a puzzling thought. Why do they stay? Go! You are Free! Run! But the reality of it is we all find some sense of home in bondage. Sometimes their comfort in bondage, is security, for some it is all they have known. I am willing to bet, we do the same. It seems easier to remain in whatever is keeping us slave, because at least it is consistent, or secure. With freedom, it feels like a scary journey into the unknown.

We enslave our self with all sorts of stereo, loud, thoughts that flood our mind, with expectations we assume we must live up to or live by. The fact of the matter is, we don't. Christ set us free but we are still living in bondage of stereo types. We remain comfortable staying in the boundaries we have been taught. I dare say, that freedom back to a home we have forgotten or never experience is more the adventure I am ready to see.

We can stop living in stereo.

I believe I can fly.

I was always taught as a little girl that you do not put your arms out the window while driving down the road.

As we were on our way out to my parents house yesterday, I was challenged to stop reacting out of fear. I believe we sometimes are so impulsive to first fear something that we loose any freedom in what the experience would give us.

So after the usual response to say, " Kids pull your arms inside!" I stopped.I looked back and saw the look of pure enjoyment on Awan's face. She was free. Here I was trying to put a rule on freedom. Something that allows us to feel the wind and experience a sense of "free"!

I had to fight with my always taught mind, that said, " She could loose an arm." "A car or truck might sweep past and take her arm right off." Well, that was what I have always been told. The funny thing that I am realizing that in lots of day to day things, we have place unnecessary rules. These rules are to protect us from once in a blue mood odds, that a car would actually get close enough to taking off her arm. Plus if it was that close anyway there would be more damage than that done. I think what ends up happening is we fear the improbable, and in return rob ourselves of freedom. I am learning to stop making rules out of fear, to allow myself and my kids, to experience the freedom that simply putting you arms out of the car window can provide. We need to allow ourselves to quit making these rules our of fear, they bind us and keep us from really living free.

Awan and Zadyn had the best time driving. Windows down, hair blowing, and arms in the air. They both were singing..." I believe I can fly..." I think we get to a point where we let our common sense become a default to fear and our responsibility only to protect. I think we end up telling ourselves and our kids we can't fly with freedom.

Are you flying with freedom, or grounded in fear?

Three String Guitar

I am the type of person that likes to have things so, so. I am a creative perfectionist. In fact it has taken me this long to really start a blog, because my perfection sometimes stands in the way of my ability to actually create without fear of failure.

I am that way with life too. I like being in control. I want my garage just perfect in case my neighbor running with her dog runs by. I assume she will conclude that I am neat and orderly, and yes, know that I have it together. ( I hear what you are thinking, Yes, I am sure that is what she is thinking when she is running with her dog.)

When in reality if you saw my garage today, it is a mess. And I hate it when Zadyn opens the door because my vision of perfection, is a heap of work yet to be done. I don't have it cleaned out, or figured out for that matter. So at my request the garage door stays down most of the time. I think there are a lot of us living life that way.

It was one long afternoon, of endless laundry and piles of work to be caught up on my desk. I had made about six trips up stairs to put laundry away in Awan's room. I let out a sigh of relief as I made my last trip down the stairs to hear, " Mom come here!" With dread, I took another big sigh, and strained my efforts back up the stairs to her room. She came running out so excited, grabbed me by the hand and lead me and Jeremy into her room.

In the center of the room was her small pink table for two. Chairs covered for a grand occasion, with pillow cases, blankets as tablecloths covered the small metal table, and a center piece of color rocks completed the decor. She had placed a pink Bible at one chair, and a pink devotional at the other. With a huge smile she said, "Surprise!" " A date for you and Daddy." It was perfect.

We took our places and she ran to her closet grabbed a folder. She began pulling out white pages with colorful markings and scratches of drawings on them. She looked up from the folder, and said, " They are my songs." We looked at each other, with a grin. Her little hand with chipped blue fingernail polish, wrapped around to meet, three small strings, the fourth string waving in the air as a flag of independence attached in one spot, the others gone. My first thought was what is she doing? You can't play that thing, its broken.

I began to smile, and laugh, and cry. She embrace her three string guitar, and committed her heart and sang to it. It was beautiful.

It was then that I realized that I wanted to live my life like her and her and her three string guitar. Though broken, and she obviously didn't have it all figured out, she had the only thing that mattered right. She was free. She sang from sheets of scribbles, her song. It was her guitar, broken or not, it was the only one she had, so she wanted to use it to the best she could.

We as adults lack the freedom of living out our life song on a three string guitar. We are to afraid that we haven't got it figured out. We have decided we will enjoy it once we fix it. Sometimes when we see things that are broke in our life, we first try to fix them, or at times we don't even do that, we throw it out. Or rather put the garage door down and hide from it.

There is music to be made. I have a song to sing. I must make the decision to pick up my three string guitar life, and to embrace it.

As for Zadyn he is now enjoying the fun from Mom deciding to live with our garage door up, making a journey out of the discovery of things not trying to fix them or throw them away.

Do you have a three string guitar? When was the last time you played it?

Some have asked if we are going to do an adoption blog. My answer is yes. But it is about the adoption of my life and my families life being adopted into loving, free arms of Christ, our true Abba Father.

This blog is about my three stringed guitar life, broken and not fixed. But the journey to embrace it with freedom to sing songs of everlasting praise, and the freedom only found in Christ's love.

"Return to me for I have paid the price to set you free." Isaiah 44:22